The Cougareat Adventures (TASG)

If you want to see some very unique characters, the Cougareat at BYU is a good place to find them. This will be the first of a series of posts about strange characters or things that have happened while in the Cougareat. I was inspired to start this series today because of a couple people I saw today while lunching. First, there was a kid wearing jeans that still had the sticker showing the size on the back of the one leg who was walking around. Then, I overheard some super nerds behind me talking about their World of Warcraft characters and commenting how their Warlocks were master jewel crafters. After that there was an assortment of people my friend Jesse and I saw and immediately nicknamed such as skipping girl, poncho, and (of course referring to the old beer commercials) Twins! But none of these unique people had anything on one particular girl I met one fateful day a couple years ago…

It was a long day for me. I spent most of it in the library, most likely studying accounting. So, I decided to take a break and grab dinner in the Cougareat on campus. The place was empty and I sat at a table by myself and began to enjoy a peaceful meal. That’s when she swooped in! It was obvious she was looking for company since every other table was empty in the place. When she asked if she could join me, I couldn’t refuse. It would be rude. So she sat right next to me at my open table. I knew that she was going to be trouble. If I would have found her attractive it would be every guy’s dream come true. But this was not the case! If you haven’t noticed, I have avoided using her name thus far and I will continue to do so until the very end of this story.

There were a few seconds of awkward silence (what would be a common occurrence in the conversation that would follow) until I decided I should be polite and introduce myself. Her eyes widened and she seemed to have gotten what she wanted, recognition. She then introduced herself and began to divulge an obviously rehearsed spiel about how she came to be at BYU. She also made it very obvious that she was at the university for one thing and one thing only: to find herself a man and get married! I would say that that is when I knew I was in trouble, but I had already come to that realization.

Somehow, the conversation continued on the topic of dating and began to take a turn for the extremely awkward side as she began to discuss dating habits of BYU. She cautioned about how couples needed to be careful when they were all alone……. at night……… (and I’m adding the ellipses in an attempt to imitate the real life pause between words or ideas she used and imply awkward silence)………..and things happen…………………….and then they’d have to go and talk to their bishop…

What followed was the most awkward silence of my life where I vividly remember looking around to see if anyone else was seeing what was going on, but alas, I was alone.

…………… “I’m Talkin’ About SEX!”

Well, there it was. If there had been any doubt in mind with respect to the subject matter of her discourse or to her craziness, it was resolved with those four words. I don’t remember much of the rest of the conversation. I just remember thinking if I was on candid camera, trying to finish my food asap, and hearing something about how she felt sorry for Brittany Spears and her sister.

It was possibly the most awkward conversation I’ve ever had an has become a favorite funny memory of mine. Her name you ask? Isn’t it obvious by the title of the post or by her most memorable quote? Talkin’ About Sex Girl! Some friends doubted my story, but there have been many sightings of TASG since this incident by myself and others. Beware, she is still out there and, if you ever find yourself dining alone on a still night in the Cougareat, watch your back. You may just become the next victim of TASG!